…stir a sea of stars ((Golden Age — TV On The Radio))
—
Tonight is a night for birthdays and Fight Club.
I am Jack’s broken heart.
Tonight is a night for tired eyes and Chopin.
Tonight is a night for tea & a blanket.
Tonight is the beginning of a new months.
Tonight I noticed a shift in the air. In the trees.
Tonight I realized all the fireflies have disappeared.
A Softer World is an online comic of sorts. It’s very odd. But I love it. And the link is on my sidebar under “A New Kind of Comic”. Their strips are either 3 or 6 pictures long with stories ranging from sad to ridiculous to just plain hilarious. Everyone kind of finds a few they gravitate to, and I found one of those for me in their most recent post. It just fits how I’m feeling right now.
“I have found a way to watch videos in your head. High definition with instant replay. It is called having regrets”.
1. I’m tired.
2. Last words of the month: “Dear world, I’m leaving you because I’m bored. I am leaving you with your worries. Good luck.” — George Sanders. He killed himself via sleeping pill OD and those were the last words of his suicide note. I’m still mulling them over, I don’t think I have a very good opinion on them yet.
3. My ovaries should die.
4. Things I have eaten in the past three days: Ice cream, 2 Eggo’s, sesame chicken, a cookie, a bite of a sandwich, half an egg bagel. That’s practically nothing. I don’t know how I’m functioning.
5. I really hate my sister’s cat, yeah, this is the one that attacked my ass in my passed-out-drunk-sleep a month or two ago.
…I know it’s unkind, but my own blood is much too dangerous ((Hold On, Hold On — Neko Case))
—
As I get closer and closer to the one year anniversary of this here site, I start to think about the past year. Things that have changed, things that haven’t, that sort of thing. I’m so tired, I just got back from a visit to Florida & I’m sick so tune in on June 25th, my one year anniversary to read it. I think this is one of the few things I have ever actually committed to for a year or more.
Filed under: Life as a Broad Title, Random | Tags: cryptic, friends, life, Random, relationships
…wide on my plastic toys. ((Flightless Bird, American Mouth — Iron & Wine))
——–
You only want what you can’t have.
It has some truths to it, and some not so true.
Sometimes you just want the option to have it, not necessarily to have it.
On occasion it sucks to not even have the option of wanting it.
It’s a strange feeling – between caring about someone and wanting them. It’s a insane notion – between considering and accepting. It’s an awkward place – between thinking about them and forgetting you thought about them. It’s an difficult place – between remaining friends and possibly wanting more.
It’s a lonely night – between knowing there’s no more chances and wondering if you even had one to begin with.
I couldn’t think of lyrics to go with this one.
So Beckett, my used black honda civic baby. Named after the man with the most delicious hips I’ve ever seen. He has his flaws though. When you look past the pollen & dragonfly seat covers you find:
1. The Ghetto Door — It only locks/unlocks by hand from the inside.
2. The Ghetto Visor — The driver’s side visor is broken, the only way it stays against the roof is via a MacGyver-esque rig consisting of a single Velcro strip & a clothes pin.
3. The Ghetto Window — The back right window doesn’t work when you hit the button on the door, but it does work when I use my master window button from the driver’s seat.
4. The Ghetto Stereo — The numbers are almost completely rubbed off & even the slightest bump or jolt of the car makes the CD skip.
5. The Ghetto Hood — The lever that pops the hood is broken, I have a small pair of plyers under the mat that I have to use to pull the piece of metal far enough to pop the hood.
This was random, but fun. There’s plenty of other random tidbits, but these are the most noticeable ghetto features on my love. I adore my car.
I feel like everyone has a voice to be heard, and everyone should know that someone is listening.
…and I’ll help you pack. ((We Laugh Indoors — Death Cab for Cutie))
—-
So I’m really frustrated right now. I have a really close friend who has been dating this guy for a while now, and I honestly really don’t like him. To make things less confusing, lets call her Sally and lets call him Jack (no wait, he totally doesn’t deserve to take the name of a great character, he’ll be BOB). I don’t honestly think I’ve ever liked one of my friends’ boyfriends. And it’s not because I’m a bitch, it’s that they genuinely date really shitty guys. I don’t know why or how it happens that MY friends happen to date the scum of the earth, but anyways.
Bob is one of those who will have no life beyond highschool. He’s pretty much going to be the loser at the highschool reunion in eleven years who is still obsessed with everything he did in highschool. That’s all he’ll ever be. That was a little bitchy, but too true to ignore.
A little history on them… a few months ago Bob cheated on Sally with a girl Sally was kind-of-friends-but-more-like-a-friendly-acquaintance with. Sally came to me crying because she felt more humiliated than she had ever been and hurt that he would ever do something like, especially when he was not under the influence of ANY substance. Especially when Bob tried to call her to ask if it was okay (she had mentioned before that she would be okay with an open relationship), but then went ahead and did it anyways. That not only means that Bob can’t blame it on the drugs he takes or the alcohol he drinks (yeah he’s real classy), but it also means it was planned in a way and he had no regard for her at all. She asked for space, and he gave her a few days. She got sucked back in and forgave him and all was well. Sally stayed with me for two weeks in December and I made it clear that he was not welcome in my house. I do not like this punk. At all.
So a few weeks ago one of our friends, who is a great but a total sex-fiend who is known to be “unfaithful” and is blatantly sexual to everyone (that’s kind of her charm, but lets call her Mary, and yes I chose that because it’s ironic), asked if Sally’s punkass of a boyfriend, Bob, wanted to go dancing. Sally told Mary she didn’t feel comfortable with it, and Mary understood and left it alone.
Tonight, Sally calls me up crying, because Bob and Mary had plans to go dancing tonight. Sally thinks that either one or both of them are fucking her over. Either Mary, who’s really a nice person just a little slutty, completely ignored Sally’s wishes behind her back. Or Bob told Mary that Sally was okay with it. I’m pretty sure Bob is at fault, but I won’t jump to conclusions.
But I will conclude with this. I hate seeing my friends put into these situations by assholes. Why, why, why can’t one of my friends date a decent guy. I love Sally, so I hate having to hear her cry over someone who is totally not worth it. Not only does she deserve better, EVERYONE knows she deserves better. And people often tell her she does. Yes, many people, including I, have told her she needs to break up with him. But in the end, it is her relationship and she has to make her own choices.
It’s just sad to see such an amazing person be brought down. I just want to have magic powers so I could beat Harry Potter in a duel and so I could improve the male species.
This is half the reason I chose to be bisexual. Not just my “we’re all sexual beings, why should I limit myself to one gender” reasoning. But because when the world does run out of the few nice guys, I need a fucking backup plan. (that was a joke by the way, just in case you’re a male and you’re reading this because you’re really too dumb to pick up on stuff like that).
Okay now I feel a little bitchy again. I’ll stop my rant. I just wanted to put it out there that I’m really upset (fucking angry) about this situation.
On a shittier note: first exam tomorrow — Honors German III. It’s going to be hell.
So on a lighter note, I’m having a homo-fest movie-marathon tomorrow! 1. Brokeback Mountain — the epitome of all that is romantic and gay (and has Jake Gyllenhaal, FUCKING SEXY). 2. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang — because I just LOVE gay Perry and his “faggot-gun”. I haven’t found a third yet. I want to get The Birdcage but….I need to find someone to rent it for me (reminder: I am only sixteen, I know, it sucks, but it’s true). Wish me luck.
Filed under: Life as a Broad Title, Random | Tags: cryptic, future, hope, life, Random, stress
“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”
quite obviously an Oscar Wilde quote….
I keep trying to look for the stars, but the moon is blinding me. Maybe I’ll try again at the new moon.
I figured that since I was getting new glasses, that my site should get a little bit of a new vision/makeover. Just a different theme and I did the banner myself.
The banner is a washed out image of a beach in Florida just after sunset. The lyrics are from Death Cab for Cutie’s “Marching Bands of Manhattan”. Those lines are probably some of the best lyrics to describe myself and my life with, so I thought they would be fitting.
I’m still deciding if I like it, I may change things again. Who knows.
