Filed under: Life as a Broad Title, Reviews | Tags: books, life, mind-blowing, review
…yeah, you want to have something that’s real ((Alive — Pete Yorn))
Just for the record, he is one of the most amazing musicians ever. None of his songs ever feel wrong or out of place. They just fit together like bread and strawberry jam.
—-
I had an AP English exam today. Four hours from hell basically. It’s over now, but I still have a lot to do. It’s been a pretty shitty two weeks. I read the book Looking For Alaska for psychology, and it was just as amazing as the first three times I read it. I’m in the middle of writing an essay on it, but one of the parts I had to discuss was if I enjoyed the book or not. Here’s what I had to say:
I enjoyed the reading because it’s simply a phenomenal novel. The characters are believable, and the experiences are accurate depictions. It doesn’t sugarcoat things, but at the same time doesn’t throw stereotypical teenagers in your face. The situations are realistic, and when I read it, I can immerse myself in it without being thrown off by something that sounds fake. While I feel like Alaska’s death is tragic, it also changed the characters. Her life made a difference, it made people think, and I think that’s one of the most important things you can do with your life – make a difference.
I hold true to what I said. I feel like the most anyone can ask for out of life is to have the chance to have lived and to make a difference. Alaska’s character is just so powerful and moving and beautiful. She has everything going wrong and yet she is so full of life. She knows how to live without looking back and how to turn people off with her brash attitude and defiance. The more Miles learns about her, the more he loves her because of her uniqueness. She just has this quality about her that I wish I had. It’s where she captivates and confuses people at the same time. Everything draws you in, but everything pushes you away. John Green did such an amazing job with creating her character. Alaska feels so real, and even her death is beautiful in a sense. The fact that she leaves behind such a legacy to Miles and Chip, and that she changes their lives forever is really moving.
I guess what it boils down to is that I want to make a difference. I want to be the one to change someone for the better without even meaning to. I want to be the center of love and passion and hate and despair. I want to mean something to someone.
Filed under: Reviews | Tags: mind-blowing, movies, prayers for bobby, Reviews
Why yes, I do like Lifetime movies. Thanks for asking!
I just watched Prayers for Bobby. Incredible movie. Also one of the most frustrating things I’ve ever seen. Everything I dislike about religion and its effect on people is portrayed. Everything that infuriates me about people who are not willing to think outside their own little box is portrayed. Everything about intolerance that gets under my skin is portrayed.
She shook his hand. Then washed it. I wanted to throw something.
But in the end, it’s probably one of the most amazing movies I’ve seen.
For those of you who haven’t heard of it, the movie is the story of Mary Griffith, a gay rights activist. Here’s the IMDB summary:
In “Prayers for Bobby,” Mary Griffith is a devout Christian who raises her children with the conservative teachings of the Presbyterian Church. However, when her son Bobby confides to his older brother he may be gay, life changes for the entire family after Mary learns about his secret. While Bobby’s father and siblings slowly come to terms with his homosexuality, Mary believes God can cure him of what she considers his ’sin’ and persuades Bobby to pray harder and seek solace in church activities in hopes of changing him. Desperate for his mother’s approval, Bobby does what is asked of him, but through it all, the church’s apparent disapproval of homosexuality causes him to grow increasingly withdrawn and depressed. Guilty over the pain he is causing Mary, Bobby moves away, yet hopes that some day his mother will accept him. His subsequent depression and self-loathing intensifies as he blames himself for not being the ‘perfect’ son and is driven to suicide. Faced with their tragedy, Mary begins to question her faith when she receives no answers from her pastor concerning her devastating loss. Through her long and emotional journey, Mary slowly reaches out to the gay community and discovers unexpected support from a very unlikely source.
One of the most moving movies I’ve seen in a while. While it was difficult to watch at some points due to the lines of the woman playing Mary Griffith, it was also heartbreaking and beautiful. The end is worth it.
Second Semester starts tomorrow. Fantastic.
Filed under: Life as a Broad Title, Reviews | Tags: depression, future, hope, life, movies, Random, reactions, response, review
I just watched Little Miss Sunshine for just about the billionth time. It’s one of my favorite movies ever. (I still can’t get that requiem shit out of my head either. Fucking mind ninja)
There’s just something about LMS that feels exactly like my life in some ways, and not in others. Literally and figuratively. It deals with homosexuality, drug abuse, suicide, money problems, crushed dreams, and individuality. I can relate to all of those in one way or more. I think everyone can find something in the movie that connects to them, which makes it such an amazing film.
One part in particular always makes me think. The scene on the boardwalk between Dwayne (Paul Dano) and Uncle Frank (Steve Carell). For those of you who haven’t seen it (which means you’re a dumbshit and really need to get on it), this is part of the conversation:
Dwayne: I wish I could just sleep until I was eighteen and skip all this crap-high school and everything-just skip it.
Frank: Do you know who Marcel Proust is?
Dwayne: He’s the guy you teach.
Frank: Yeah. French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he’s also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he uh… he gets down to the end of his life, and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered, Those were the best years of his life, ’cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn’t learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you’re 18… Ah, think of the suffering you’re gonna miss. I mean high school? High school-those are your prime suffering years. You don’t get better suffering than that.Dwayne: Life is one fucking beauty contest after another. School, then college, then work… Fuck that. And fuck the Air Force Academy. If I want to fly, I’ll find a way to fly. You do what you love, and fuck the rest.
I bolded my favorite quotes from it. It just always gives me the idea, that there’s a world beyond high school and the suffering. That there is a world that is so fucked up (maybe more so than I) that in a backwards way, I will have to do well and be happy to counteract the double negative. I know that makes absolutely no sense, well, it does in my head. But that’s a dangerous, vast expanse of shit we don’t even want to start trying to get into.
What I mean is that it gives me hope for a better future. When I see myself in ten years or so, I want to be happy and successful. I don’t care about being rich, but I wouldn’t like to be in poverty. I just simply want to be truly happy for the first time in my life. And despite Proust’s idea that happiness is a waste because suffering defines you, I think that by that point in my life I will hopefully have already defined myself by other means. I will have found myself to the point where happiness is not a waste, and suffering is just a remembrance.
And I know what you’re thinking. Suffering will always be a part of life, but I mean it in the deep aching sense that gets into your bones and the tiny neurons in your brain that make all things desolate, empty, and worthless.
I feel sometimes like I can only go up from here, and I know I always say that so who even knows. I could be back tomorrow saying I hate life and the world and everything. There is a 90% chance of that happening based on my past bipolar moments.
But at this moment, I want to believe that there is something more. I am saying that I want to do what I love and fuck the rest. Simple as that. I would also like to thank Michael Arndt, the wonderful man who wrote the screenplay.
Disclaimer: Lots of the word FUCK in this.
I just watched Requiem for a Dream.
I think my mind just fucking exploded.
It is the most visually, psychologically, and emotionally disturbing movie I have ever seen.
It is filmed to a point of insane perfection, and yet it is so dark and grotesque and I don’t even know how to describe it.
The images seem to work their way into your head. By the end, I was grasping my head, trying not to look but finding the need to stare anyways. Watching this movie was like a digital brain alteration. It gets into your head and just fucks everything up.
I am a chickflick person. Romantic Comedies. Dramatic, emotional tales. The occasional hardcore action or horror film. So maybe for some people, this movie would be just another movie. But I have never in my life watched a movie that makes me want to dig my fingers into my brain and squeeze out the memory of watching it.
It’s just in my head now, on repeat. The refridgerator. The arm. The choices. The heroin. The eyes. The other person’s blood on his face. The tv show. The eyes.
The ending really got to me. It wasn’t the amputated arm that got me, and it wasn’t the girl screaming into the bath water.
It was the old woman’s face as she is being shocked. I wasn’t sure if I should cry, cringe, or claw at my head some more. So I did all three.
A movie has never, EVER gotten to me like this one has. And not like I was planning on it or anything, but I will never, EVER take drugs.
I think this movie should be shown to more highschool kids, the ones that go out and party do drugs and shit. Maybe it would scare them, maybe it wouldn’t bother them. Who knows. Maybe I’m overreacting.
But I swear, unless you are mentally prepared to compartmentalize every image of this movie, do not watch it. It’s like grenades going off in your head, burning your eyes, and sticking like glue to your skull. I can’t get it out of everything I see.
Despite everything, it was brilliant. I know that sounds strange, but despite everything it was probably the most amazing movie I’ve seen. I like things that effect me. Yes, I do watch some pointless movies just to pass time, but I like things that actually effect me. Sure, this effected me in a really bad sense, as in leaving my head in fucked up ruins. But the fact that it got to me this much makes it brilliant.
By the end, I was shaking. My words as the credits rolled, “This is so fucked up. This is so fucked up. This is so fucked up. This is so fucked up.”
And then I banged my head against my hand. What a fucking mind-blowing experience.
I probably sound ridiculous, but this is just not the kind of movie I’m used to, at ALL. So I don’t even know what to do now.
I think I want some Cheerios.
I’ll start with the review. It consists of two words:
Fucking awesome.
No lie. By far, this album is their best yet. Anyone still on the fence of to buy or not to buy, I strongly encourage you to just get it. It will blow your mind. You will love it. And then I will say I told you so. My personal favorites are Family Tree and Dancing Choose. I don’t have a lot to say about it because I’ve only gotten to listen to it a couple times through so I can’t really give a lot of in depth stuff. But I do know that it’s amazing.
———————–
Now for the life stuff. So I’m a techie, lights crew to be more specific. And I made running crew. This means that for the past week I’ve been at school more than at home, aka HELL WEEK. It’s finally coming to a close with one last show tomorrow to go of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. The set is crazy beast, and lights is also in charge of special effects. We have some awesome fog and fairy dust. Good show. I’m personally on spotlight.
Anyways, I’ve had no time to myself for the past week which has pretty much sucked. My graduation proposal got rejected. And here I am sitting alone with nothing to do on Halloween. This is the first year I haven’t gone trick or treating so all of a sudden it has felt like just another friday. I kind of hate that. I don’t want it to change. I mean, yes I did get to carve my pumpkin (the oogie boogie, hells yeah), but Halloween won’t be the same for me ever again now that things are changing and I’m moving on. I didn’t have the most normal childhood, but Halloween was a constant that I’ve always counted on in a life where I have very few constants. So it kind of sucks to let go, but at the same time, it’s a little refreshing to be getting somewhere (as lame as that sounds). But I feel the shifting beginning to happen. I’m a quarter done with this school year, then there’s one to go and then college. That’s pretty frightening for me, but still exciting.
I’m still deciding if I want to look ahead with strength and excitement, or turn and take back the past that I’m slowly losing. Either way, I’ve still got a long road.
So Happy Halloween internet blog readers, I hope it’s a good one.
Filed under: Music Related, Reviews | Tags: concert, music, review, warped tour
It’s that time of year again.
Beware, most of this is in the second person and I usually fucking hate second person, but I think it works here so stay with me.
Cons:::
Heat sticking to you, as well as the person next to you’s sweat. The good ol’ sunshine…that burns your entire unprotected body. The music that is so great it blasts your ears till you know they’re permanently damaged and it feels like you’ve got earmuffs on for hours later. The never ending crowd surfers that are dumb enough to put their fate in your hands when the skanky twelve year old next to you decides not to put her hands up so you end up having to catch someone’s head before it hits the concrete. You also can’t forget the fat ones without shirts that think they make it all the way to the front (they think wrong, we drop them). The mosh pits that break out where all the little white boys who think they’re tough can hit innocent bystanders who are trying to listen to the mother fucking music and not guard their limbs. The people who don’t realize it’s over 90 degrees out with no clouds and don’t think ‘hey, some water would be pretty dandy’. So when they pass out in front of you before the band even starts, you kindly help tell people to MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY SO THE MOTHER FUCKING MEDIC CAN GET THROUGH!!! That woozy sensation you get in your head when you’ve been in the pit touching sweaty people all around you for too long. The endless walking that never stops and gives you blisters and the shooting pains up your legs. The insanely stupid mother (yes, only ONE) who brings her mohawked six year old to see a screamo band where he proceeds to cry when moshing starts and the psychotic punks start throwing fists around like mallets. The four dollar water bottles that you only cave into buying when yours has run out, you’re trying to watch the set of one of the top bands you came to see, but you’re feeling light headed and don’t want to make the trip all the way the fuck across the planet to find a water fountain. The “food is too fucking overpriced here, I just won’t eat all day” motto that actually surprisingly worked this year for some reason, but seriously don’t try that because it’s dangerous (i’m just really stupid sometimes). The people who you look at and think in your head ‘what are you wearing? why would you wear that here? why would you wear it AT ALL?’ (fat girls trying to squeeze into short, tight, skanky outfits that show their cooch or in stilettos. no. just no.).
Pros:::
Buying under priced (for the most part) shirts that you can’t get elsewhere. Free monster energy drinks (although you’re only “allowed” to drink them in a certain area…i’m not sure if this is a pro or con). Free posters/stickers. Watching people get nailed in the head with flying water bottles and getting really pissed off. Seeing bands you really like play in their element — Live and raw where what you hear is what you get.
Now okay, I will admit that the cons seem to outweigh the pros. And at first glance, they really do. But I’ve been going to warped tour for three years now, and I’ll keep going because of that last pro I listed. Seeing a band I really love play live makes me feel good. Really really good. Orgasmic for lack of a better word. And despite all those cons that I’m putting up with at the same time, it is completely worth it. The connection to the crowd, no matter if it’s a main stage crowd stuck in a sea of people or casually dancing against the front barrier with a crowd of twenty at the small Ernie Ball stage that basically pops out of a giant RV thing, is just awesome. It’s like a religious experience for me, I have to go through a lot of shit for it but in the end it’s like the holy fuckin grail.
Now down to business. A few tips for future-goers…
1. Know your limits. This is a biggie. People going for the first time should take a class in this. I’ve seen people have seizures, I’ve seen people pass out, and I’ve seen people get crushed. Know when enough is enough, and know enough to know that you need to get the fuck out of wherever you are. Everyone gets a weird feeling before they pass out, KNOW THAT FEELING. Know the feeling of when you’re getting too dehydrated, too claustrophobic, too over heated, and too exhausted to help pass people over. Passing out IS PREVENTABLE and yet I watch people drop like flies every year. Pits can range in size and become overwhelmingly large. If you have more than an inch in every direction, you’re lucky. Knowing when enough is enough and that you need to get out is a big fucking deal. Being scared of a pit is not a pussy thing. I’ve been crushed one too many times, so trust me, I know. If there’s too many bodies coming over you, or too many people pushing to make a mosh pit and you don’t like it, GET OUT BECAUSE IT’S NOT GOING TO GET BETTER.
2. Drink water like your life depends on it (because…it does). I don’t care if you’re not thirsty, and I don’t care if you have to pee twelve times that day. Water is neccessary, people don’t get that. It helps in EVERY situation.
3. Get sleep the night before. It’s an all day thing that WILL wear you down. Granted, I got by with three hours of sleep, but I’m hardcore (kidding, I just had energy saved up from doing NOTHING for a few days before hand).
4. Go with one or more friends. It will be more fun, I promise. If you’re underage, your parents will feel a little better about letting you go. Sometimes it does come down to “I want to see this the same time you’re seeing that” so I’ve had to venture on my own and it’s not horrible, but it’s nice to have someone next to you to bitch about the heat or stupid people. It’s not like a super dangerous place to be (well at least not where I live), but it’s also not a giant safety net. It will be more fun with someone else though, I swear by it. And keep all phones on vibrate in case of a needed separation. Text messaging is just about as important as water when it comes to that. “Where the fuck are you?” “Meet you by this place”, etc.
5. SUNSCREEN. SUNSCREEN. SUNSCREEN. I can not emphasize this enough. I don’t care if you think you’re badass or something and can handle the sun. You’re out there all fucking day usually in direct sunlight. I was a moron this year and completely forgot (how I could forget when I have post-it notes covering my desk and mirror, I have no idea). But I did. And now I’m paying the price. I also left my sunglasses in the car. Luck was not on my side. Two VERY BURNT arms and face later, aloe is my bff and comfort is not. Not to mention I was wearing jeans so I have pale as hell legs and completely red shoulders with orangy arms. I look super attractive right now. Save yourself the pain and the ugly and put some fucking sunscreen on.
6. Bring a small bag. This isn’t really necessary but it’s pretty helpful. Just one of those small draw string ones won’t get int he way and will carry a lot if you know how to put it in. Trying to push someone over your head while holding onto two shirts, some posters, and a shit load of free ads/stickers is not easy.
7. If you’ve never been in a pit before, observe for a while before getting in. It’s hot (and not in the good way), cramped, occasionally violent, and you have to constantly be checking over your shoulder in order not to be crushed. After the first few times of losing accessories like hats and headbands and sunglasses because someone fell on your head, it gets old. Oh and short people BEWARE. Pits are hell for short people. One of my friends I went with is short and she just can’t stand them. She can never see, and she is always crushed. I’m sorry short people, but you’re going to have to either be very up close (which can get painful and annoying) or have a boyfriend willing to put you on his shoulders. I’m almost 5′ 8 and I don’t have a huge problem with that kind of stuff. But my friend is 5′4 and she has problems with it.
8. Don’t be afraid to push people, because they are not afraid to push you. If you need to get out of a pit because it’s too much, then get the fuck out. Push as much as you need to, they will be happy to fill your tiny spot. Your health is more important than some pissed off teenagers. Sure they might be pissed for a second, but then they’ll go off and do it to other people to get a better spot later. And sure, everyone hates the when like five linked people push their way through you to get a better spot, but you’ll end up doing it yourself eventually. Think of that before you go cussing people out.
9. Crowdsurfing. If you want to do it, go for it, I’m sure it’s fun. I for one have never done it, because I have experienced the underneath part far too many times. I do not choose to put my life in the hands of strangers who may or may not decide to drop me on my ass (or head). Don’t be fooled, it looks simple when you’re watching but it’s not only dangerous but a pain in the ass to people below you like me with weak upper body strength. I have caught heads from almost hitting the concrete. I have seen people break collar bones and have to stop the entire set to carry someone out via stretcher. I have been fallen on. So yeah, that’s a no thanks for me, but if you want to risk your life go ahead. Life is about risks, but I’m not into the idea of it enough to actually do it.
10. Have fun. I know I keep saying all this shit and it sounds really bad, but if you let it be a good experience it will be and it will be amazing. Just go with the flow and you’ll have fun. Don’t get prissy when people throw shit around a pit or spray/spit water at you. It may seem gross or annoying, but in the heat, it feels really good. Go along with whatever drunk people say too, they can be really funny =] and also really retarded (that goes for every concert, not just warped).
So those are my top ten rules, subject to change, of Warped Tour. Now onto the actual stuff I saw… ((if you want to see the full picture, right click it and hit VIEW IMAGE. i don’t know enough html to fit the whole thing in this layout))
Gym Class Heroes
They’re a great band on disk and live. The charisma was aplenty as I quickly moved away from the slowly forming mosh pit and Travis McCoy proudly announced his five months of sobriety. I couldn’t catch the whole set because I had to meet back with my friends but what I heard was from very new (their upcoming album) and very old (paper cut chronicles). I wish I would have stayed a bit longer.
Cobra Starship
Well it started a little rough. As in during soundcheck the girl right in front of me passed out. But Gabe Saporta is a very interesting character who likes to sing about weed and grab his crotch a lot XD. I went mostly because they amuse me and I really like “Bring It” in which they pulled Travis McCoy and William Beckett to sing their parts. Just as I was feeling woozy and knowing my limits I pushed through the crowds to find a space where I could breathe and sit for a moment to try not to pass out myself, SUPERSOAKERS were brought out! Pissed off that I missed the wonderfully cold refreshment in the tormenting heat, I decided not to get back in and instead to wait for my friend to come out.
The Academy Is…
Straight from Cobra, TAI’s set was at the next stage. At this point I had tired myself out greatly from Cobra and my friend and I ended up in the way back where we could breathe instead of up front where I wanted to be (this is where brains come in. Passing out versus a good spot to see a band…hm. you’d be surprised how many people would choose the latter). That was really upsetting since they were one of my main reasons for even coming, but it wasn’t ruined. They played songs off their new album that is to be released in August, some off Santi, and a few off Seasons as well. William Beckett had never sounded better, and I will let you know that his hipbones look even better in real life 
Charlotte Sometimes
She is a recent find that I have become addicted to. I bought her cd off itunes not long ago and haven’t put it down. She unfortunately only had a crowd of about 20 so I could comfortably stand at the barrier, which was nice. I sang along and moved a bit, trying to let her know that I support her every which way. Her vocals are amazing live because she really plays with them a lot when she gets the chance. And on “Sweet Valium High” she had a nice little skit with the Elivs-looking keyboardist that included some crotch grabbing and some falling to her knees in front of his crotch She has quite a presence on stage and I really hope she’ll make it far.
Jack’s Mannequin
((He’s blond now just for the record)) Ah, a certain favorite of mine. Let me put it this way, Andrew McMahon can not only play mad piano, but he can do it while head banging and going crazy on the bench and singing. He also plays quite the harmonica and is intense to watch. Of all the bands I saw, he captured my attention best with his energy on stage. It was something special to watch. His songs are as amazing, possibly better, live. I don’t really know what to say except that any expectations I had were blown out of the water by how superb it truly was. If you ever get the chance to see the band perform, DO IT. The other guys weren’t that interesting, but Andrew was like a tsunami up there. It was one of the best warped tour experiences I’ve had to watch him.
Now I did see others, but those were my main priorities. I saw stuff from The Pink Spiders to Norma Jean to Horrorpops to Alesana (not by choice…) and The Higher. Etc. That’s the great thing about warped tour, there’s just SO MUCH. There’s never a time without something to watch and by the first hour of walking around, you get to know where the six or so stages are. Tents are a different story. Merch tents can be tricky to find, but search long enough and it’ll appear eventually.
So I guess it’s time to wrap things up, and DAMN this is already over 2500 words. I guess I really had a lot to say! Overall it was a good day no matter how burnt, bruised, or blistered I became. It was all worth it, and I’d do it again (and will). No matter how many words this is, Warped Tour isn’t something you can ever really describe, it’s something that has to be experienced. Sure, you may hate it, but it’s something that’s worth trying at least once.
And for all you bitches hating on my music taste and thinking that I only listen to this particular stuff, fuck you. My music taste is VERY vast, and this is only one event (despite how big) that I go to. I have cds on my desk by bands that I know you’ve never heard of so shove your judgments up your ass.
For the rest of you, I hope this was a thorough view of what Warped can be like, the good and the bad. Don’t let the bad discourage you, get out there and just try it because this is all only my opinion. Also, don’t always trust weather reports. It said Monday was going to be cloudy with a 60% chance of rain. There was blazing sun with like three clouds in the sky all day long. I was kind of pissed, rain feels GREAT despite the mud it causes.
Good luck to all who venture through its gates, and good night.
